I turned off the light and lay there in the darkness, my mind whirling and my thoughts bouncing back and forth between what I had been raised with and what seemed so apparent to me in what I had read. I struggled to resolve the apparent conflict, to no avail. Finally, in frustration, I flung out a thought into the darkness (I didn’t want to wake my sleeping husband): “If you (meaning Christ) are there, please let me know in a way that I can know!”
The thought seemed to hang in the air for a moment, and then it took on form. I “felt” someone materialize in our bedroom, and I “knew” it was “he” whom I had addressed. He moved silently from the foot of the bed where he had appeared and came to stand behind my head (never mind that there was a wall there!). Then he put his hands on my head and they were as real and solid as any I have ever felt. He put his knowledge and power into me and a brilliant cone of light shot out from my solar plexus. Suddenly, without hearing a word, I “knew” several things (keep in mind that I was totally unschooled in Christian doctrine). I “knew”:
1. that I had lived my life in ignorance up to that point, and I was forgiven for all my errors, but from that moment forth I would be held accountable for my every thought, word, and deed;
2. that I was being called to a narrow path, and that if I deviated even so much as a millimeter from that path, I would only harm myself. I could never harm anyone except myself;
3. that there is no sin, only error, and that if we don’t “get it right,” we will get to do it over and over until we do “get it right.”
I had absolutely no context for understanding this, but I could not deny the reality of the experience. Thus began my journey of stumbling back toward the Light. I wish I could say I went gracefully, but I didn’t. Every lesson was won through the wearing down of my very considerable degree of resistance. I often joke that I was “bashed into surrender,” and that I went down my path “kicking, and hollering, and screaming” all the way. But graceful or not, I have stayed the course that was put before me that night (March 9, 1981). In 1982, I received the vision that charted the course that my life is about — the journey to Terra.
It was not easy. It demanded everything of me that I had, and much that I did not know I had in me until I had to choose — over and over — to reach higher and deeper. It was agonizing, and there were so few to share the journey with. In 1984, I had a total breakdown of my immune system and it took 9 years of being a “bubble person” to work my way back to being functional again. During that time and afterward, I had the opportunity to explore the themes of sexual and verbal abuse, codependency, abandonment, and betrayal by those closest to me.
I learned to distinguish between those things and people that supported and nourished life and those that did not. I learned about UFOs, ETs and angels, and I learned to channel. I “remembered” other lives, including the one I had lived as part of Christ’s inner circle. I learned that my most important lives in terms of influencing the course of world history came before some of my most insignificant lives, blasting the theory that we live our lives in some sort of linear progression from “lowest” to “highest.” I had many mystical experiences about the nature of God and the nature of reality, all of which I subsequently found had a scientific basis in holographic theory and quantum physics.
I was in “a class of one” in a solitary classroom, being lovingly but firmly taught by my mentors in unseen realms. My personal “team” included “Christ” (Jesus/Sananda), Archangel Michael, beings from other star systems, Babaji, and my soul family, the Hosts of Heaven. I lost everything I had in the material world. I was taken further and further away from everything I knew and took my identity from until it was all gone.
It is very similar to the process I saw my mother go through as she left this world and her body, except I will not die a physical death. Mine is the “death” of my ego-identification. I will go on to another level and do my part to create the bridge to the new earth, Terra. Christ has been with me every step of the way, along with his “crew” of angels and ETs, and I have no doubt that he will see me through whatever steps remain.
It is far more peaceful for me now. My shell has been broken open and I am no longer trying to “keep it together.” It is so much easier now to just let go and melt. Seeing my mother cross from this life to the other side opened my heart in a way that has left me in a far more loving and accepting place.
I used to be caught up in the ideas of “good and evil,” but now I know it is all just God, wearing Its many costumes. I see how those I have labeled as evil are simply in a great deal of pain and have disconnected themselves from others so that they can project their pain onto them rather than feel it themselves. I feel I am nearly complete with my journey through 3D, with all of its lessons and teachings. In the end, it always has been about love. It is still about love.
I was told in my vision of 1982 that I would be “called.” I believe that calling began when I was asked to deliver the Messages from the Hosts of Heaven. I will continue to write as things come forward to be written, but if there comes a time when there are no more words to say, let this be my legacy to you. As the fox told the Little Prince, “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
Each of you that is reading this article has your own version of this story. You have had your own themes to explore, but when it was time, you were also led through the steps of your awakening, just as I have been. Now you are here, reading these words. If they ring true to you, you have found a point of connection with your destiny path. I hope that some of these words will lead you to recognize the perfection of your own unlfolding path, and the comfort that comes with knowing there is not that much further to go.
I leave you now in peace and honor and blessing. Amen, Adonoy Sabayoth. We are (all of us) the Hosts of Heaven.
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